It’s been nearly 14 years since I became a mother, and to be honest, if you had asked me back then how I thought I would handle motherhood, I wouldn’t have been very confident. I never grew up with the dream of becoming a mother, nor did I spend my teenage years fantasizing about the idea of having children. In fact, I didn’t really think much about it at all. When motherhood did arrive, however, it changed everything. Now, I can’t imagine my life without my children, and though there have been challenges along the way, I wouldn’t change a thing. Becoming a mother has taught me so much about myself—lessons I never expected, but which have helped me grow in ways I never thought possible.
Patience (or Lack Thereof)
Before becoming a mother, I thought I was a pretty patient person. I imagined that I could handle the usual ups and downs of life with grace and understanding. But as soon as I became a mom, I quickly realized that patience is something I would need to constantly work on. The reality of parenting—especially with two energetic boys—has taught me that my patience has its limits. There are moments when they can push my buttons so hard that I lose my cool. Whether it’s their incessant repetition of words or their constant bickering, I find myself raising my voice in ways I never thought I would.
The boys have this unique talent for creating chaos in the most unexpected ways, and sometimes, I can feel my blood pressure rising at the simplest things—like the constant noise or them ignoring me when I ask them to do something. I can tell them ten times to put something away, only to find it still there an hour later, and my response? I end up shouting, which leaves me feeling like a very different version of the calm person I thought I was. I’m learning, however, that I need to manage this impatience, but it’s definitely a work in progress.
The Daily Grind That Never Ends
There’s a certain monotony to motherhood that I never fully appreciated before I became a mother myself. The daily chores—laundry, cooking, cleaning—never seem to end. It feels like no matter how much I clean, the house will always need tidying again the next day. And the laundry? It never stops! There are always new piles of clothes to fold, and the washing machine seems to run endlessly. The repetitive nature of these tasks sometimes gets to me, and I’ve realized that I really don’t enjoy doing the same jobs over and over again.
In fact, I’ve come to understand that I don’t just want to do tasks—I want to finish them. I want to feel the satisfaction of crossing something off my list, but in motherhood, there is no such thing as “done.” The house never stays clean, the laundry never stays folded, and dinner always needs to be made again the next day. I’ve had to adjust my mindset by breaking down these endless tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks. For example, I find that if I focus on completing one load of laundry at a time or tidying one room instead of trying to do everything at once, I feel a small sense of accomplishment. This has been a huge shift for me, as I used to want everything to be perfect, but now I’m learning to appreciate the little victories amidst the chaos.
Constant Self-Doubt and Questioning
Before I became a mother, I didn’t question myself much. But now, it seems like I’m constantly wondering if I’m doing the right thing. From making sure the kids eat nutritious meals to wondering if I’m doing enough to entertain them when their friends come over, I never seem to stop second-guessing myself. Every decision, no matter how small, is scrutinized. Did I spend enough quality time with them today? Did I handle that situation the right way? Should I have done more? It feels like there’s always a little voice in my head telling me that I’m not good enough—whether it’s about the cleanliness of the house, the quality of the food I serve, or how much attention I give to each child.
I can’t help but wonder if I’m enough for my kids. Some days, I feel like I’m falling short in every area. Despite knowing that no one could love my children more than I do, I still find myself doubting whether I’m doing a good enough job as a mom. That voice in my head, the one that whispers that I’m failing, is relentless. But I’m slowly learning to push it aside and remind myself that I’m doing my best, and that’s all I can do.
The Unexpected Fierceness of Motherhood
One thing I never expected when becoming a mother was just how fiercely protective I would be. I’ve found myself uttering words I never thought I would, such as, “I really don’t like that boy!” about one of my son’s so-called friends. Watching my children grow up and start making their own choices about friends and relationships has been eye-opening. And when those friends hurt my children in any way—whether it’s through a disagreement or a minor conflict—I can feel myself becoming protective in ways that surprise me.
There was an incident recently where BP had a falling out with one of his friends, and I found myself feeling this rush of anger and frustration. My instinct was to intervene, to protect him from any hurt or conflict. But as hard as it was, I had to take a step back and let BP handle the situation on his own. It’s a tough pill to swallow because, as a mother, you just want to shield your kids from pain. But I’ve learned that part of parenting is letting them navigate their own relationships, even if it means watching them face difficult moments.
As much as I try to stay calm and collected, I know there will be times when I’ll have a hard time holding back my emotions—especially when it comes to my children’s hearts. If anyone ever hurts my boys, I’ll be the first one ready to unleash the “Incredible Hulk” within me. And while I know I can’t protect them from everything, I’ll always fight to make sure they know that I’ve got their backs.
The Beauty of Personal Growth
Motherhood has taught me so much about myself. It’s revealed sides of me that I never knew existed—both the strengths I didn’t realize I had and the weaknesses I need to work on. It’s been a journey of learning to balance patience with the chaos, to embrace the never-ending cycle of daily chores, and to face my doubts head-on. But above all, motherhood has taught me the importance of being kind to myself.
I’ll never be the perfect mom—I don’t think anyone can be. But I’ve learned that being a good mom isn’t about perfection; it’s about doing my best, loving my children unconditionally, and growing along with them. And even though the challenges of motherhood sometimes make me question myself, I know deep down that I’m exactly the mom my children need.
Through all the sleepless nights, the messes, the tantrums, and the tears, I’ve come to realize that motherhood is less about the perfect moments and more about the journey. It’s a journey of learning, growing, and loving—one day at a time.